Creative Paralysis

In Dennis Palumbo’s book, WRITING FROM THE INSIDE OUT, he talks about getting out of your own way.

He goes on to quote Norman Mailer, who once described his writer’s block as the creative paralysis of being famous. “It wasn’t just me sitting down to write,” he said. “It was Norman Mailer sitting down to write and I had to live up to that.”

I’m not trying to imply that I’m anywhere near as famous as Mr. Mailer and I’m sure as hell not famous. But I very much relate to what he felt. Reading this chapter today made me wonder if I'm not so much afraid of failure but intimidated by my success.

I’ve gotten two early reviews of my April Blaze that could not have recommended the book more highly. I’ve gotten some great endorsement quotes for ANOTHER SIDE OF MIDNIGHT from authors I respect. I’ve gotten wonderful feedback from my CP who recently said of two particular chapters it was the best work she’d ever seen from me.

And all of that positive opinion and praise was enough to shut me down like a light switch. It only took Lisa's kudos to throw me into a tailspin for days, terrified that I couldn’t write the next page/ paragraph/ sentence/ word well enough to compete with what came before. My mother swears that because of childhood traumas, I simply cannot accept anything good about myself.

Perhaps she’s right. Or maybe it’s just that if those two chapters are the best I’ve written, I’m terrified I’ve reached the plateau and can’t go any higher. I mean, if that was the best I can write, why bother putting another single word on another single page when obviously it won’t be nearly as good?

But I know as a chronic sufferer of writer’s block- as well as a frequent speaker on the topic- the only way to get through this… is to write something else anyway.